Мужской кодекс

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Пока только на английском! ТАК) ТО ЧТО Я НЕ УКАЗАЛ В КОМЕНТЫ) Я ВСЕ БУДУ ПО МЕРЕ ОБНОВЛЯТЬ) ДОЛГО СТАРАЛСЯ, НАДЕЮСЬ ОЦЕНИТЕ. Rule #1: Even if she catches you in the act in bed with another woman, DENY IT! Rule #2: If she catches you in the act in bed with another woman, and you have exhausted all excuses and reasons, you are left with two options. a.) "Baby, I thought it was you" And pretend to be REALLY drunk.5 b.) Ask her to join in Rule #3: If her parents catch you in the act, it is your responsibility to dive out of the nearest window, even if you are 30 floors up. (Void when dating for more than a year/engaged/married.) Rule #4: Bros before hoes Rule #5: If your girlfriend refuses to do anal, swallow, or any other sexual favor, you must prevent her from spreading her evil among your buddies girlfriends. Rule #6: If your girlfriend refuses to do anal, swallow, or any other sexual favor, you must prevent her from spreading her evil among your buddies girlfriends. Rule #7: You are not an alcoholic if: 1) Beer only accounts for one meal per day (and two snacks) 2) Women will still sleep with you for free 3) And you know the name of the guy who’s shirt you puked on Rule #8: If it doesn’t come with a side of meat it ain’t breakfast Rule #9: Corollary: When providing pizza for your guests you are not required to offer a vegetarian option for those so inclined. You may however offer to let them graze in the back yard. Rule #10: If a man’s girlfriend or wife prevents him from attending two consecutive guy outings, said pals may move into his living room and commence the intervention process. Rule #11: No phone conversation between two men will last longer than one minute per year of friendship, unless it’s about fixing something. Rule #12: No guy shall attempt to pick his own nickname. If a friend suddenly starts demanding to be called “Diesel”, it’s your duty to saddle him with a handle like “Wee-Bit” or “Sheet Stain”. Rule #13: You are not a fan of a major sport unless you can lucidly explain its overtime rules. Conversely you are not American if you can lucidly explain the overtime rules for soccer. Rule #14: Friends don't let friends drive drunk --- But they also don't open thier fucking mouths when thier sober friends are driving 115 mph in the wrong direction on a one way street. Rule #15: You must maintain to the death a "rampaging rhino" type anecdote to explain all scars. Admitting your "toaster boo boo" dishonors you and your listeners. Rule #16: Corollary -- Even if you get your head stuck in an industrial wood chipper your not allowed to cry. Rule #17: Carnivores equal pets. Herbivores equal food. Rule #18: Always speak ill of a buddies cat. Always speak well of a buddies dog. If that buddy owns a gerbil, find another buddy. Rule #19: If a man compliments another mans “outfit” he is accusing that man of being gay. Rule #20: Drinking diet soda doesn’t make you gay, but it does make you look gay. Rule #21: One does not shave ones nether regions unless prepping for open nether region surgery. Rule #22: Thou shalt not take the name of Traci Lords in vain. Rule #23: When you catch a friend going through his gf/wife's purse you must always respond with..."looking for your balls?" Rule #24: Phial and followers are sterile and thus wont be held accountable for actions degrading the male population Rule #25: If a woman confronts you to verify a story told by a friend you must back that story without hesitation regardless of how ridiculous or against the laws of physics it seems. "Yes he did invent Velcro...while wearing a sweater at the fish hook factory...when the boiler exploded...and he was thrown against a display" Rule #26: If one of your homies bitches about some